Wednesday, September 06, 2006


When I think of my sins and confess them to God, I tend to focus on the "technicolor" sins . . . you know, the ones that get preached about all the time: greed, idolatry, lust, deceit, laziness, and so forth.

But when I'm really honest with myself, and take a deeper look, I see something far uglier at the core of all those other sins: self-absorption. I often wonder if I've ever
really loved anybody. When I look closely at some of the "loving" things I do and say, I see "self-serving" written all over them.

C. S. Lewis once wrote a poem entitled "As the Ruin Falls." I think these lines pretty much say what I feel about myself:

All this is flashy rhetori
c about loving you.
I never had a selfless thought since I was born.
I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through:
I want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn.
Peace, reassurance, pleasure, are the goals I seek,
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin:
I talk of love--a scholar's parrot may talk Greek--
But, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin.

Thank God, Jesus died for my egocentricity. I pray that the gospel will daily make its way more and more from my head into my heart and change stone into flesh.


Rinnie said...

Thankyou for speaking truth to my heart.

catbird said...

Ditto Rinnie's comment.