I must have a disability. My family tells me I'm a loud chewer.
Now, look. I keep my mouth closed - I'm not one of THOSE loud chewers. But whenever I chomp down on things like crackers, chips, croutons, and the like - you know, crunchy things! - my family goes wild telling me how loud I chew! But I can't help it! It must be the way God created my jaw. Maybe my head is so empty it resonates and echoes, I don't know. I even cover my mouth with my hand, and my son still tells me I'm louder than anybody he's ever met - or heard - before.
So what can I do about it? Nothing, I tell you! I'm just chewing.
I think I'll start a new club. Loud Chewers of America (LCA). Would you like to join? Annual dues are $25. I'll send you a newsletter.