Thursday, March 22, 2007

I can't help it...

I must have a disability. My family tells me I'm a loud chewer.

Now, look. I keep my mouth closed - I'm not one of THOSE loud chewers. But whenever I chomp down on things like crackers, chips, croutons, and the like - you know, crunchy things! - my family goes wild telling me how loud I chew! But I can't help it! It must be the way God created my jaw. Maybe my head is so empty it resonates and echoes, I don't know. I even cover my mouth with my hand, and my son still tells me I'm louder than anybody he's ever met - or heard - before.

So what can I do about it? Nothing, I tell you! I'm just chewing.

I think I'll start a new club. Loud Chewers of America (LCA). Would you like to join? Annual dues are $25. I'll send you a newsletter.

8 comments:

Rebecca said...

Apparently you passed this on to me - Scott HATES when I eat potato chips! I'll join!

Mike said...

Glad I passed along something of value!

Anonymous said...

Ha-Ha! This happened to me a few weeks ago. I was chewing some delicious potato chips I had gotten out of the snack machine and some of co-workers were commenting how good those chips must be. They could hear my crunching from behind my cubicle wall! I had no idea I was being so loud...I was totally oblivious. It made for a good laugh between us all at the end of a long day. Actually, I think they were just envious at how good those potato chips sounded! I offered to give them some of mine, but they laughed and so, "No thanks". ~Becky W.

Hana said...

Is this when you're eating and they're not? Because that will happen often in our house, but if everyone is eating at the same time, those other people need to just mind their own business and focus on chewing their own food...that's my opinion at least. And Michael is probably just trying to give his old man a hard time. :)

Pam said...

Oh, Mike. I'm sorry but we just can't be friends anymore. I didn't realize you made mouth noises... I have a real problem with mouth noises. It's like fingernails on a chalk board. Fortunately, I haven't heard you chew so we're okay. Just remember...whatever you do don't make mouth noises into a microphone. EWWWW!

Amy said...

I'm going to have to concur with my sister and your family. Mouth noises give me the heeby-geebies. I've been known to leave the room until people are done eating, before. Sad, I know. :)

Mike said...

Note to Hersman/Johnson family - take a cue from Hana who sounds a lot more like Jesus than you do.

Matt said...

Amen, Mike.

I bet Jesus was a loud eater like us :)